3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
