My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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