how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
