my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
