I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
