I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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