so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
