Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
