I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
