You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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