Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
