I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
