Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
