She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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