i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
