my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
