My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
