thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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