Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
