I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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