i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
