we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize