I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
