Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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