wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
