I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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