Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
as a side note pls kill me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
