Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
