You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
