i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
