Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
