your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize