Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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