Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
