your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
