I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
