"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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