spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize