kristin has been a bad kristin
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
