I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
