Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Someone shit on the floor
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize