onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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