bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I smell stomach acid.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
