They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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