she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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