I'm going to jail i love you
Me. At least after what I've been through.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
