the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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