Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
