I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
