i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
