there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
