Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
