i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
