I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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