So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
