I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
