I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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