Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
