Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize