I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
