Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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