I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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