If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize