my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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