Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize