ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
